Ok, so I know this isn't a rant but I just want to tell someone about this, since none of my friends know about this..
My sister was looking at the top schools on the internet. She saw a private school near me and thought I could apply. She knew it was my dream to go to private school. She has a look and found out there was an open day about 2 weeks later. We thought we might as well have a look at the school if I was going to apply.
2 weeks later, we (my sister, mum, dad and me) pulled up into the car park of this massive school. I was astonished at the sheer size of it. It looked like a castle, completely and utterly beautiful. It was like a dream-no. I was better than a dream. It was better than my imagination by a mile. It had turrets all over it, with beautiful brick. There was amazing grounds and lovely flowers everywhere. We walked up to the front doors, massive wooden double doors. As we walked in, there was another glass door straight into the hall, where other kids my age were sitting on the plush floral sofas. An older lady, around 30, greeted us and showed us to a table which had an envelope with me name on it. I picked it up, smiling the whole time. The place was just beautiful. If I hadn't known I was alive, I would have thought that I was in heaven. It was my dream, after all.
I sat down on a plush sofa just to stand back up for our tour. Before hand we had some tea and biscuits in the dining hall, which reminded me- no, Looked exactly like the dining room in Hogwarts. After talking to other families and some of the teachers, the head teacher began talking about the school. We sat down at the chairs at the other end of the dining hall. I listened carefully, completely mesmerised by everything so far. After the speech, he split the families into groups and off we went on the tours. The tours were leaded by older years who arrives at the school earlier that year. They just said how amazing it was. I understood fully. Just looking around the place got me completely hyped. I couldn't wait to get started.
Once we got home I couldn't wait to start studying. I started studying everyday afterschool for about a week. The studying got less and less as I lost interest-no. Not loose interest. Lost my feel for ambition. I lost this as I turned to the laptop. It kept me entertained, even though it had distracted me. I slowly became "addicted" to the laptop. I didn't get the shakes when I don't go on it for a certain amount of time but I did spend every single spare second on the laptop. I forgot about the revision, focusing myself completely on the laptop. My mum would tell me about my ambitions, but to me, they were a distant memory to me.
I ended up changing from going for an academic scholarship, to an art scholarship. I bought many different art things that I thought I would need. I ended up using an art drawing book to help me with most of my manga/anime drawings. I was really happy with the outcome of them. I didn't fill the booklet I got, but at the time I thought "good less work is better than bad but more work.."
It was the day of the scholarship. I would be going to be to the school again and showing the art teacher my work. I walked into the art section absolutely amazing!) and started talking through my work. I wasn't a very smooth talker, especially when under pressure. I was anxious about what would happen. Once I had finished showing her, we went through to a different room. In the room was a dress made out of crisp packets. There was also a canvas with a range of mediums. the picture was of the mad hatter. It was absolutely amazing. I thought it was done by an older student, but it was done by a different scholar that I was competing against. I knew straight then that I had no chance against them.
For our final part of the day we had a part of a picture to draw each. Our challenge was to make them match when we put them all together. We managed it quite well. After this, we went home and waited for the letter that decided whether my life long dream will come true.
If was about 2 months after when the letter came through.
My dreams were shattered.